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Honest Question for Josh

#1
Josh, let me preface this by saying something that it seems has been echoed by a lot of other people: your methodology, commitment, and ability to reason are all extremely impressive. I've been reading your development logs religiously for a month or so, since I discovered the project. The demos are impressive, and seem to back up everything you say in your logs. As a one-man team, this project is encompassing *so many* things I've expected from AAA titles, and that blows my mind.

With that said, I'm curious about your "mental health". Feel free to tell me to f!@# off and mind my own business, but let me explain the question. As someone who also is involved in the indie game dev community in a very self-driven manner, I've perceived a trend: those who have been clinically diagnosed with non-disabling "mental disorders" such as Aspergers, autism, or OCD seem to do very well in our professional arena. Personally, I'm working with a greater understanding of emotional range: I'm bipolar. I don't get any work done in the lows, generally speaking, but the highs are times of extreme productivity and wonderful ideas/reasoning.

As I said before, your ability to work with such a range of computing concepts like AI, graphics, and dynamic generation/decision algorithms is extremely impressive. My question is born of a simple curiosity. I simply want to confirm a correlation between those of us without a statistically average brain chemistry, and exceptional mental acuity that can be used to create *wonderful* games.
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Re: Honest Question for Josh

#2
I think this is more of one of those "if you're doing what you love, nothing ever feels like work," and thus Josh feels unconditionally compelled to continue "working" on Limit Theory.

That and he also has a deadline, and several thousand people to please. I don't think it's brain chemistry as much as it is interest and obligation. I think anyone, regardless of their mental construction, would dedicate themselves to their greatest aspiration if they had the resources to do so.
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Re: Honest Question for Josh

#4
Shouldn't this thread be moved to the Limit Theory General forums form the Limit Theory Prototype General forums?
I know not what life is, nor death.
Year in year out-all but a dream.
Both Heaven and Hell are left behind;
I stand in the moonlit dawn,
Free from clouds of attachment.
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Re: Honest Question for Josh

#7
Interesting question and seems like a potentially-interesting thread :geek:

Answer - AFAIK I am not medically abnormal in any way. Guess it goes without saying that this doesn't preclude being abnormal :roll: Describing oneself is always a weird endeavor, but I think those who know me would probably say something along the lines of "very weird, but in an endearing way." Or at least I hope they would add that last part :lol: :shock: I'm very reclusive by nature and spend most of my time alone in my thoughts (by choice). As for brain chemistry, I am fairly consistent, peaceful, and docile, but definitely experience sharper and more constant stress than most (I'm sure that's been a critical part of what helped me). As I think many who read the dev logs have gathered, I spend a significant portion of my time feeling guilty about not having accomplished enough :|

At any rate, I would imagine that having abnormal brain chemistry in some way would help one do things outside the framework of normal professions (e.g., be an independent). So although I don't exactly contribute concretely to the test of your hypothesis, I support it :thumbup:

I would be very interested to know, though, more about how you have set yourself up to deal with your condition? In particular, any chance you'd be willing to share your experience in managing the depressive episodes? How do you reassure yourself that you'll get out? How do you make sure that you don't do permanent damage in that condition that would put your productive highs at risk? Just curious :) (and of course you can tell me to f!@# off as well :D )

I'm always interested in any ideas or techniques related to manipulating one's mental state. At one point I was a big proponent of exercising mental control, though over the years I've become less convinced that mental control is very feasible (or at least not as feasible as I once imagined). I've recently been toying with the concept of mental "training" using sensory cues. In particular, I've experimented recently (with some success) with the concept of intentionally creating correlations between the consumption of a certain food or beverage with a strong, positive experience, in an attempt to allow a (false) induction of that positive state at will. Yes, I'm open to the thought of training myself with monkey treats :monkey:

(Interestingly, I used this technique to induce a fairly strong positive disposition during my first play of X Rebirth. It could potentially explain why my perception of the game was (and still is) more positive than most? :think: )

EDIT : Oh, and welcome to the forums! :wave:
“Whether you think you can, or you think you can't--you're right.” ~ Henry Ford
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Re: Honest Question for Josh

#10
JoshParnell wrote: In particular, I've experimented recently (with some success) with the concept of intentionally creating correlations between the consumption of a certain food or beverage with a strong, positive experience, in an attempt to allow a (false) induction of that positive state at will. Yes, I'm open to the thought of training myself with monkey treats :monkey:

(Interestingly, I used this technique to induce a fairly strong positive disposition during my first play of X Rebirth. It could potentially explain why my perception of the game was (and still is) more positive than most? :think: )
It doesn't explain why I had and still have similar perceptions Josh. I don't think I was under the influence of any hallucinogenic at the time. Unless they have started putting it in the soup. ;)
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Re: Honest Question for Josh

#12
I have OCD. I wash my hands repetitively and have all sorts of rituals that are quite time consuming. Like for example, when I leave my apartment in the morning I always check the kitchen by first check that the stove is turned off (even if I know no one I have used it), then I check that the deepfreeze and the refrigerator are turned on and closed. Then I check that the faucet in the kitchen is closed. Then I go and check that the faucet in the WC is closed. If something feels wrong I must start from the beginning. I finish of by checking the closed and locked door to our home by pulling the door handle for 5 sekonds a couple of times until I have convinced my self that the door is locked. It can take anything from 5 minutes to 20 minutes to finish this little procedure. I have to many of these rituals in my life and should probably do something about them :)

I have of course received my fair share of ridicules from people. However, I am not ashamed over my OCD and speaks openly about it.

The OCD has some good things with it. I never forget my wallet, phone or keys.

I have rituals when I code to. They are harder to explain but involves a lot of checking of the code I have written and manually test my code. I of course write a lot of unit tests and system tests. Usually I produce few bugs. I am very rigorous with my work in general (not the fastest coder though :D).
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Re: Honest Question for Josh

#13
codeape wrote: I have rituals when I code to. They are harder to explain but involves a lot of checking of the code I have written and manually test my code. I of course write a lot of unit tests and system tests. Usually I produce few bugs. I am very rigorous with my work in general (not the fastest coder though :D).
Are those procedures any good for debugging other people's code, or do you code in a manner that is constructed around your debugging process?
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Re: Honest Question for Josh

#14
Grumblesaur wrote:
codeape wrote: I have rituals when I code to. They are harder to explain but involves a lot of checking of the code I have written and manually test my code. I of course write a lot of unit tests and system tests. Usually I produce few bugs. I am very rigorous with my work in general (not the fastest coder though :D).
Are those procedures any good for debugging other people's code, or do you code in a manner that is constructed around your debugging process?
Usually when I read others code I also remove compiler warnings (if any) and add debug level logging if appropriate. I think removing warnings is a good practice but must be done with care so the refactoring do not end up in creating a new bug. I usually write a test first if there is none and then I remove the warning. Adding debug level logging is of course useful for debugging if it is used with care.
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Re: Honest Question for Josh

#15
Wow, this got a little more attention than I had planned on. :D

I'm glad you decided to answer, and that there's so much curiosity on the subject. First, I'll answer your question:
JoshParnell wrote: I would be very interested to know, though, more about how you have set yourself up to deal with your condition? In particular, any chance you'd be willing to share your experience in managing the depressive episodes? How do you reassure yourself that you'll get out? How do you make sure that you don't do permanent damage in that condition that would put your productive highs at risk? Just curious :) (and of course you can tell me to f!@# off as well :D )
Coffee. Coffee in copious amounts. I used to be very against any sort of mind-altering chemistry (thanks in part to being raised in a very oppressive religious environment), but I've come to know it as a tool to help myself cope, come up with ideas, and generally experience life in new ways. However, sometimes I do damage. Not physically, but emotionally, and through opportunity cost. It's just a part of life I've come to accept. :)
JoshParnell wrote: I'm always interested in any ideas or techniques related to manipulating one's mental state. At one point I was a big proponent of exercising mental control, though over the years I've become less convinced that mental control is very feasible (or at least not as feasible as I once imagined). I've recently been toying with the concept of mental "training" using sensory cues. In particular, I've experimented recently (with some success) with the concept of intentionally creating correlations between the consumption of a certain food or beverage with a strong, positive experience, in an attempt to allow a (false) induction of that positive state at will. Yes, I'm open to the thought of training myself with monkey treats :monkey:
I've recently been very interested in this concept, called "mental priming". I've done this somewhat unconsciously, especially with music. I associate certain types, even bands, with certain projects and feelings. This is especially important to do when beginning a new project, I've found. It sets the stage for the mood, pace, and ultimately completion of the game.

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